Moet Perfect To Wet The Baby's Head

Illawarra Mercury

Wednesday October 17, 2007

with Glen Humphries

Last week, I explained that I had a bottle of Moet and Chandon champagne in the fridge. I did mean to explain why someone who doesn't really like the sparkly stuff that much has a bottle at home but I strayed way off the point.

That'll happen with me a bit. Like the movie being screened by a drunken projectionist, I lack a bit of focus.

Anyway, the reason for the champagne in the fridge? That was to wet my baby daughter's head. It had to be done with some sort of alcohol and I figured a classy variety was the way to go.

Who knows what sort of emotional trauma she might end up with if I wet her head with Fruity Lexia (though she could help me finish off the cask when she turned 18 - that stuff never goes off).

Her head (along with the rest of her) arrived a few weeks ago but it was another four days before we wet her head. After spending all day in the maternity ward and getting home at 11.30pm, sleep was a much more attractive option than French bubbles.

Not that my wife would have had any sympathy for my moaning about my drinking difficulties. She hasn't had a drink for nine months now. That's a long time in my book; roughly 270 days without a glass of wine at dinner, a beer on a hot afternoon or a Bacardi Breezer swiped from the bathtub at a party.

Mind you, I don't think it was as hard on her as she liked to make me think. She would take a small sip of wine or beer every now and then, almost always screwing up her face and declaring it awful.

It really wasn't; that was just her pregnant body making it taste terrible so she wouldn't drink. The only drink that didn't inspire such a reaction was a citrus beer called Radler from Monteith's (I guess they won't using that as a selling point in their advertising campaign - "Pregnant? Drink Radler!").

The pregnancy meant I didn't have to share a bottle of wine or a six-pack and had a designated driver for nine months. On top of that, I got a beautiful baby girl at the end. It was a win-win situation. For me, anyway.

© 2007 Illawarra Mercury

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